How a Small Gift Loomed Large

And How I Finally Washed My Hands of It

It means too much. A decorative soap holder should not elicit such a response. I had spent the afternoon with my dad at a home and garden show downtown. I loved a daddy-daughter day and basked in the glow of undivided attention.

There wasn’t much that excited eight-year-old me at the home and garden show, but I didn’t hate wandering the convention center aisles of lawn equipment, plants, furniture and decor as my dad’s sidekick. At least it wasn’t a gun show - which I had also had the pleasure of attending with my dad.

As we perused a table of bathroom accessories (think canisters, tissue boxes, towel racks, etc) my dad zeroed in on a sculptural soap dish thing made of shells, wire and 1970s artistic vision. It was paired with a brass and glass box filled with ping pong ball-sized soaps the color of pea soup.

“Do you like this? I think I’m going to get this for your mom.” Yes I nod to my dad. Yes I scream in my head. I was indifferent to the charms of the soap holder set. But I felt a definite buzz, a perked up alertness, at the fact that my dad was shopping for my mom.

It wasn’t that he hadn’t bestowed gifts on her before. Or that he was cheap when it came to doling out for others. In fact, he was routinely generous. But he was also rage-y and explosive and a serial cheater.

Yelling, fighting, and tension were staples in my house. So were my mom’s crying, begging and contorting to try to please my dad. To try to make him stay.

But on this day, I was lit up with the witnessing of a tender moment of care from him to her. And I loved seeing my mom light up when he presented it to her once we were home.

I thought of that day every time I saw that soap dish. It lived in my mom’s bathroom after the pea soup soaps and my dad were long gone. I threw it out after she died, then washed my hands with the liquid pump soap sitting on the counter.

Some Current Distractions

• The Wedding People by Alison Espach - A woman’s private getaway mission turns into a surprising life changing experience in this charming novel set in a luxury Rhode Island resort during a wedding. A reminder that one person or moment can impact us forever and that it’s always possible to begin again.

• Music-Free Mindful Walks - Music has been the backdrop of my life. As a dancer, my entire career revolved around it. And even as a writer here, I routinely include playlists in my posts. So it’s been kind of surprising how much I’ve grown to love my music-free mindful walks. My neighborhood is surrounded by miles of biking/hiking trails. I started my silent walks as a safety measure, because I needed to be able to hear if a biker was approaching from behind. But now my walks have turned into sensory experiences where I push myself out of my head and into the moment. I notice the myriad shades of green, the warmth of the sun or coolness of a breeze, the crunch of leaves under my feet, the smell of morning dew on the grass. I’ve attempted meditation in the past and failed fully. But my silent walks have turned into a sort of moving meditation. Far from missing music on my walks, I actually feel like the volume has been turned all the way up.

• MZ Wallace Travel Bag - I’ve been on the hunt for the perfect travel bag, and I’ve finally found it. My requirements: It must qualify as a “personal item” that can be brought on board along with a carry-on suitcase. It must easily fit under the seat. (Some bags are too tall or stiff to fit without having to origami them into the space.) There must be ample, separated compartments for all the things - laptop, magazines, book, snacks, wallet, phone and in-flight toiletries. It must - and this is an important one - feature full closure on top, preferably with a zipper. I do not want to be fishing for fallen items on the airplane floor. And big bonus if it can attach to the handle of a rolling carry-on for easy transport. The MZ Wallace Travel Bag nails it. It was a splurge, but I know I’ll get a lot of mileage out of it.

• Another solution oriented find: Samplize. I no longer have to buy multiple quarts of paint, swatch them on the walls in different rooms, wait for them to dry, then decide on the right shade in my design projects. Samplize offers oversized peel-and-stick swatches of almost all paint colors from a multitude of brands. You can easily try them out in different spaces at various times of day in all kinds of light. No brushstrokes required to find the perfect color for a project. Genius!

• I love to travel but hate to fly. In my normal life, I am not a superstitious person. When it comes to flying though, I have a few safety rituals. One is my Calm Down playlist. I push play every time we start to taxi for takeoff. Far from elevator music, it’s a mix of soft but punchy and soothing songs. You don’t have to be on a plane to enjoy it.