There's something holy about being part of the transition, either in or out of this life. It's an incredible act of love and kindness and an overwhelming sense of powerlessness sometimes. For some folks, I think that powerlessness is actually comforting, telling us our place in the universe. For others, it's overwhelming. I admire people who stop for any dead animal on the side of the road. I watch those video where babies in pouches are saved even though the mother is dead. I can't do that. That is overwhelming to me. I stop at every dog I see tied up outside to make sure he has a person close by and is not abandoned.
Some people can't bear to be around family or friends when they're dying. It's fear. It's personal. And it's selfish. In the beginning of the AIDS crisis, so many men died faster than they would have had they not been treated with fear, as if it was an airborn contagion. Monkey's wither and die without touch (see Harlow's Monkeys). So do people. I hope no one I know (or don't) ever has to pass while all alone. I hope we all have someone to hold our hand the way you did with your mom. Big love. 💕
I would never have dreamed that my mom's death was actually quite beautiful, but it was. I haven't written the story of that day yet, but I will. Interestingly, there are some who wait until their loved ones are not in the room until they go. My husband's sister did that. She was dying of kidney failure (Hep C), and my husband and our nephew (her son) were in the hospital room with her all day. She kept slowly fading away, vitals dropping, breathing slowing etc. Then all of a sudden she rallied. Her numbers went up and she slightly stabilized. The nurse told them it would be a good time for them to go grab something to eat since they hadn't all day. The minute they pulled out of the hospital parking lot, they got a call that she had gone. She literally waited until they let the room. I think she didn't want her son to see her pass.
I feel the exact same way that you do about animals. Unfortunately, the Chris that has to deal with things like dog-on-bird violence in my house is me.
I get this. I take it a step further get sad if I accidentally flush a tiny spider down the drain and avoid stepping on ants. Love how you integrated the “and yet…” I watched my dad take his last breath. Hardest thing I’ve ever done. In. My. Life. Not long after, a deer ran in our cars path and died slowly. I was almost as much of a mess as I was the day my dad died. The cops must have thought my husband was driving me to the loony bin.
This is doubly heartbreaking. I have a personal thing about deer in my life. I’ve even written about it. They seem to show up when I need a dose of calm. And I was once told at a retreat that they were my animal guide. Where I live, I commonly see them dead on the highway. It absolutely kills me every time. I’m so sorry you went through that.
Yes, hugs for holding your mom’s hand when she was dying. I did the same for my brother and my mother, in that order. But I am with you on the dead animal subject…I cannot stomach it and it just makes me sad. I can’t watch the said adopt an animal commercials with Sara MbLaughlin singing in the background either. I immediately turn the channel
Dogs are predators, so they will go after small animals. Afterall, they're descendants of wolves.. I do understand your fright, but we can't control what they might do. My lovable Lab once swallowed a baby bunny in one gulp right before my eyes. I yelled, "No!" to no avail. I felt a brief moment of horror, but loved her anyway.
I definitely love my animals despite their killing sprees. And my Black German Shepherd doesn't have a mean bone in her body. She wasn't even being predatory. She was playing. The poor bunny was the toy. Another time she came to me with a dead snake in her mouth. I ran away then too.
Being with a parent as they leave is truly beautiful, and an honor they may choose to bestow on us. I agree, Leslie, others choose to leave quietly with no one there. It's a passing of the torch, their way of saying we are now entrusted with the secrets and responsibilities of life, and they seem to know which is better for each of us. I felt my parents were continuing to teach up to the moment of last breath, only this time they were teaching me how to die (hard word for me to use) with grace and beauty. It is because of the experiences I've had that I sometimes think of my own passing, and who I want to share it with. Because of that, I am not afraid. Lucky me.
There's something holy about being part of the transition, either in or out of this life. It's an incredible act of love and kindness and an overwhelming sense of powerlessness sometimes. For some folks, I think that powerlessness is actually comforting, telling us our place in the universe. For others, it's overwhelming. I admire people who stop for any dead animal on the side of the road. I watch those video where babies in pouches are saved even though the mother is dead. I can't do that. That is overwhelming to me. I stop at every dog I see tied up outside to make sure he has a person close by and is not abandoned.
Some people can't bear to be around family or friends when they're dying. It's fear. It's personal. And it's selfish. In the beginning of the AIDS crisis, so many men died faster than they would have had they not been treated with fear, as if it was an airborn contagion. Monkey's wither and die without touch (see Harlow's Monkeys). So do people. I hope no one I know (or don't) ever has to pass while all alone. I hope we all have someone to hold our hand the way you did with your mom. Big love. 💕
I would never have dreamed that my mom's death was actually quite beautiful, but it was. I haven't written the story of that day yet, but I will. Interestingly, there are some who wait until their loved ones are not in the room until they go. My husband's sister did that. She was dying of kidney failure (Hep C), and my husband and our nephew (her son) were in the hospital room with her all day. She kept slowly fading away, vitals dropping, breathing slowing etc. Then all of a sudden she rallied. Her numbers went up and she slightly stabilized. The nurse told them it would be a good time for them to go grab something to eat since they hadn't all day. The minute they pulled out of the hospital parking lot, they got a call that she had gone. She literally waited until they let the room. I think she didn't want her son to see her pass.
I feel the exact same way that you do about animals. Unfortunately, the Chris that has to deal with things like dog-on-bird violence in my house is me.
I'm sure your spouse appreciates it like I do my Chris. I'd like to say I handle some equally horrific task in our household, but no, no I do not.
I get this. I take it a step further get sad if I accidentally flush a tiny spider down the drain and avoid stepping on ants. Love how you integrated the “and yet…” I watched my dad take his last breath. Hardest thing I’ve ever done. In. My. Life. Not long after, a deer ran in our cars path and died slowly. I was almost as much of a mess as I was the day my dad died. The cops must have thought my husband was driving me to the loony bin.
This is doubly heartbreaking. I have a personal thing about deer in my life. I’ve even written about it. They seem to show up when I need a dose of calm. And I was once told at a retreat that they were my animal guide. Where I live, I commonly see them dead on the highway. It absolutely kills me every time. I’m so sorry you went through that.
Love the idea of an animal guide. Not sure what mine is….
Yes, hugs for holding your mom’s hand when she was dying. I did the same for my brother and my mother, in that order. But I am with you on the dead animal subject…I cannot stomach it and it just makes me sad. I can’t watch the said adopt an animal commercials with Sara MbLaughlin singing in the background either. I immediately turn the channel
Same!! It’s too much. I’m glad you were there with your brother and mother.
Leslie, this is beautiful. I want to give you a hug. <3
Virtual hug back at you!
Dogs are predators, so they will go after small animals. Afterall, they're descendants of wolves.. I do understand your fright, but we can't control what they might do. My lovable Lab once swallowed a baby bunny in one gulp right before my eyes. I yelled, "No!" to no avail. I felt a brief moment of horror, but loved her anyway.
I definitely love my animals despite their killing sprees. And my Black German Shepherd doesn't have a mean bone in her body. She wasn't even being predatory. She was playing. The poor bunny was the toy. Another time she came to me with a dead snake in her mouth. I ran away then too.
Being with a parent as they leave is truly beautiful, and an honor they may choose to bestow on us. I agree, Leslie, others choose to leave quietly with no one there. It's a passing of the torch, their way of saying we are now entrusted with the secrets and responsibilities of life, and they seem to know which is better for each of us. I felt my parents were continuing to teach up to the moment of last breath, only this time they were teaching me how to die (hard word for me to use) with grace and beauty. It is because of the experiences I've had that I sometimes think of my own passing, and who I want to share it with. Because of that, I am not afraid. Lucky me.
Beautifully said.