I’m a firm believer in the need for real institutions (and many of them) for people with mental illnesses that intervene in daily life. This is often an unpopular opinion, especially where I live, as those who disagree say I lack empathy, etc. But I also grew up with a mentally ill sibling and the damage that inflicts on other family members, especially other children, can be massive. I don’t believe those with mental illness have a right to harm others around them. But unfortunately, the systemic view of what constitutes “harm” is highly limited so it goes unrecognised. Those who are ill continue to inflict it because they cannot help but do so.
I don’t have any experience with someone so close to me who has autism. This is a heart wrenching read Leslie. “Nothing makes me sadder, more anxious, more frustrated or more defeated than my sister. She is the only sibling I have. I am a witness to her suffering, but I cannot fix it.” If my essay yesterday ‘move through steady’ helped you in anyway then I am thankful. Sending you love & strength ❤️
Our system for the mentally ill is so messed up, especially for families like yours who have tried everything to help their loved one. May you and your family stay safe, and may your sister get access to the care she needs.
Thank you so much for this - and for reading my writing at all. Our system is messed up, especially in Texas where I live. We are always hopeful for some kind of help or solution, but all we can do is keep it moving. Merry Everything to you and yours!
My heart aches for you even as I admire your courage in speaking up. Several people in my circles have children somewhere on the spectrum. I have listened to their struggles through the years, and it gives me a very small (and undoubtedly incomplete) insight into your anguish. From some of the comments here it sounds like you have a caring community to lean on when needed. May you and your sister find peace and safety ahead. 🕊️
Thank you so much for this. I am very lucky to have a great support system. But I don’t even talk much about it to my close friends bc it’s such a downer and so hard to explain. So writing helps!
Bravely and honestly written. I am sure a lot of people can relate to the feelings of defeat and frustration. As you know, I went to pre school with her, and when Harper was little she was in your dad’s office sometimes delivering papers I think. She said she remembered me when I said “Hi , we went to DDJCC preschool together” but it sounds like since that time, she deteriorated mentally, despite attempts at treating whatever is going on with her brain.
Your entire family has been so loving and tolerant and tried to find solutions, but at some point you have to protect your peace.
You are the best, Amy. One thing about my sister - she has a damn good memory. (Selective but good.) She never forgets anyone who was nice to her, and you were always kind and open to her. Her brain has definitely deteriorated as has her behavior. If she were only mentally ill and choosing not to get help, it would be much easier to distance myself. But because of the coexisting autism factor, she truly can’t navigate the world on her own. Yet we have no rights to navigate it for her. It’s a horrible loop. Thank you so much for reading anything I write. I am loving leaning into my writing. You are a wonderful writer too. You should start a Substack!
I hate that she is in jail, and not getting the care she needs to function. I fear that when and if she is released she will be worse off. Love you dearly
This is so well written. As someone who has borne witness to both the behavior and you and your mom trying to mitigate/manage/deescalate (albeit brief glimpses with time between) I applaud you for sharing this.
I share your sentiment that hopefully this will be a turning point for your family, as well as Karen, to get help that is woefully overdue.
Thanks so much for this. Yes, you have had the distinct pleasure of witnessing glimpses of my sister. As you know, it is so therapeutic to write it out. I am ready for you to start your Substack!
We never know what anyone else is dealing with, do we? I feel for your transgender child. What a difficult and scary time to be trying to live in your authenticity. My son is gay, and I am terrified by what the current political climate may do to his rights and how it has already emboldened those who wish to harm anyone who is “other” than them. I will pray for your child and family. And I will look up your daughter’s writing. Thanks for reading mine and reaching out. I appreciate it!
I remember her well. The radio djs, the nose tapping , the clumsy movements. I can only imagine the tension you feel between loving your only sister, and sorrow mixed with dread & regret over the phone calls, irrational demands & illogical rage. My heart goes out to you... and you'll never hear from me that you've not done enough. I love hearing your heart and your beautiful soul.
Thank you for this Whit. It will always be a struggle between my guilt and my heart. But I always remember that my struggle is nothing compared to hers.
I’m a firm believer in the need for real institutions (and many of them) for people with mental illnesses that intervene in daily life. This is often an unpopular opinion, especially where I live, as those who disagree say I lack empathy, etc. But I also grew up with a mentally ill sibling and the damage that inflicts on other family members, especially other children, can be massive. I don’t believe those with mental illness have a right to harm others around them. But unfortunately, the systemic view of what constitutes “harm” is highly limited so it goes unrecognised. Those who are ill continue to inflict it because they cannot help but do so.
Best of luck, it is a tough road to walk.
You are correct. You can’t understand this road unless you’ve been on it.
💔 Sending you a very big hug. I can only imagine how hard this all is for you and your family.
Ahhhh, thank you Megan. I appreciate it.
I don’t have any experience with someone so close to me who has autism. This is a heart wrenching read Leslie. “Nothing makes me sadder, more anxious, more frustrated or more defeated than my sister. She is the only sibling I have. I am a witness to her suffering, but I cannot fix it.” If my essay yesterday ‘move through steady’ helped you in anyway then I am thankful. Sending you love & strength ❤️
Thank you for this. And I think we often find the words we need when we need them.
I believe the same ❤️
I feel every inch of this. I’m sorry for our pain. ♥️🙏🏽
Our system for the mentally ill is so messed up, especially for families like yours who have tried everything to help their loved one. May you and your family stay safe, and may your sister get access to the care she needs.
Thank you so much for this - and for reading my writing at all. Our system is messed up, especially in Texas where I live. We are always hopeful for some kind of help or solution, but all we can do is keep it moving. Merry Everything to you and yours!
My heart aches for you even as I admire your courage in speaking up. Several people in my circles have children somewhere on the spectrum. I have listened to their struggles through the years, and it gives me a very small (and undoubtedly incomplete) insight into your anguish. From some of the comments here it sounds like you have a caring community to lean on when needed. May you and your sister find peace and safety ahead. 🕊️
Thank you so much for this. I am very lucky to have a great support system. But I don’t even talk much about it to my close friends bc it’s such a downer and so hard to explain. So writing helps!
Bravely and honestly written. I am sure a lot of people can relate to the feelings of defeat and frustration. As you know, I went to pre school with her, and when Harper was little she was in your dad’s office sometimes delivering papers I think. She said she remembered me when I said “Hi , we went to DDJCC preschool together” but it sounds like since that time, she deteriorated mentally, despite attempts at treating whatever is going on with her brain.
Your entire family has been so loving and tolerant and tried to find solutions, but at some point you have to protect your peace.
Love you dearly, and know your heart is broken.
Your writing is amazing, keep it up! Inspired!
You are the best, Amy. One thing about my sister - she has a damn good memory. (Selective but good.) She never forgets anyone who was nice to her, and you were always kind and open to her. Her brain has definitely deteriorated as has her behavior. If she were only mentally ill and choosing not to get help, it would be much easier to distance myself. But because of the coexisting autism factor, she truly can’t navigate the world on her own. Yet we have no rights to navigate it for her. It’s a horrible loop. Thank you so much for reading anything I write. I am loving leaning into my writing. You are a wonderful writer too. You should start a Substack!
I hate that she is in jail, and not getting the care she needs to function. I fear that when and if she is released she will be worse off. Love you dearly
She definitely won’t be better. Love you right back.
This is so well written. As someone who has borne witness to both the behavior and you and your mom trying to mitigate/manage/deescalate (albeit brief glimpses with time between) I applaud you for sharing this.
I share your sentiment that hopefully this will be a turning point for your family, as well as Karen, to get help that is woefully overdue.
Thanks so much for this. Yes, you have had the distinct pleasure of witnessing glimpses of my sister. As you know, it is so therapeutic to write it out. I am ready for you to start your Substack!
I had no idea about your sister Leslie! Thanks for sharing!
I don’t talk about it much because it’s too complicated to explain. But I’m glad to be writing about it. Thank you for reading!
Life can be so hard! My son is on the spectrum and has been living as a transgender woman for about 8 years ☹️.
My daughter is a writer on Substack…Riley Morsman!
We never know what anyone else is dealing with, do we? I feel for your transgender child. What a difficult and scary time to be trying to live in your authenticity. My son is gay, and I am terrified by what the current political climate may do to his rights and how it has already emboldened those who wish to harm anyone who is “other” than them. I will pray for your child and family. And I will look up your daughter’s writing. Thanks for reading mine and reaching out. I appreciate it!
I remember her well. The radio djs, the nose tapping , the clumsy movements. I can only imagine the tension you feel between loving your only sister, and sorrow mixed with dread & regret over the phone calls, irrational demands & illogical rage. My heart goes out to you... and you'll never hear from me that you've not done enough. I love hearing your heart and your beautiful soul.
Thank you for this Whit. It will always be a struggle between my guilt and my heart. But I always remember that my struggle is nothing compared to hers.
This breaks my heart. Because I know autism. I send you hugs.
Thank you for this. It’s rough, as you know.